I’m not sure if this story is more important for its scientific implications, or for its humor value. Scientists believe they have discovered the first species which had sex. It is called microbrachius dicki which, I’m pretty sure, is Latin for ‘little brachy dick.’ Fortunately, they are only fish, and they have probably been extinct for a couple of hundred million years, or they might be insulted.
What always amazes me is how scientists can know. This happened 385 million years ago, none of us were around, I don’t even know if the dinosaurs had arrived yet. How the hell can we know today what their sex life was like.
Well, scientists have made this
discovery leap of logic because they noticed on fossils (i.e. it’s been staring us in the face for years, just that somebody finally put 2 and 2 together) of the little guys that some of them have appendages. So, instead of assuming a tail, or perhaps an early version of fingers, scientists figure it was obviously man’s best friend.
So, it’s probably a fossil with a penis, and evolution would have absolutely no reason to develop a penis except for the purpose of using it. So, they’re the first that we know of, but were they the first? We don’t know. Fish, crustaceans, and other sea dwelling spcies, tend to not talk to us very much.
Since it was found in Scotland, the world’s first pickup line was “Aye, Lassie, would ye like to see my Loch Ness Monster?”
Anyway, another weird thing about these little critters is that once they’d figured out how to make sex, they apparently stopped doing it again. Giving them credit for inventing sex is like giving them credit for inventing 3-D printing, or giving the Vikings credit for discovering North America.