Category Archives: Blogs' Archive

The Great Palin Punchout Party

I must confess that if I liked Sarah Palin’s politics, I would not be terribly bothered that her family got involved in an absurdly comical drunken brawl last month in Anchorage.  It’s not as if no liberals ever drink, or show up at wild parties.

Sometimes They Fight

Sometimes They Fight

I would be able to get past the older son saying, of a friend of his, “He’s basically a gay guy, but he’s not,” because he doesn’t like to fight.  Or challenging everybody  else to fight and saying they’re all a bunch of fucking pussies.  People talk like that.  I’ve known lots of people who talk like that.  It  doesn’t necessarily mean they’re homophobic or sexist.  Well, maybe a bit, but I’d let it slide.  We all know that you sometimes say stupid things when you’re drunk.

I would be amused, but not shocked, at the older daughter saying  “He dragged me across the lawn by my legs, and I’m wearing a thong dress, and  called me a fucking cunt and a fucking  slut.”  Sounds like just another Kennedy family picnic.

“And I’ve got a 5 year old in the car!”  Well, that stopped me for a moment, but hey, a 5 year old is perfectly capable of taking a nap in their car seat while their mother and aunt and uncle and grandparents go inside and get (even more) shitfaced.

One really strange moment on the tape, to me, was when Bristol said “Nobody’s going to push my fourt–twenty year old sister.”  That’s a difference of six years.  Maybe just a drunken misstatement, maybe early onset alcoholiczheimers, but if I liked her mother’s political opinions, I’d say “Tut, tut, Sarah, maybe you should help your  daughter find a good rehab center.”

But I don’t, so I’m just going to sit back and enjoy the show.  And hope that somebody makes a movie about this, real soon.  Half the dialog is already written.

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Renee Renewed

Renee Zellweger says she hasn’t had plastic surgery.  She says she’s just relaxed and feeling good with a new boyfriend, and people should mind their own business.  I suppose we should take her at her word, but….

Before and After

Before and After

She looks completely different.  As different as Bristol Palin looked after her plastic surgery.  Like a different person different. 

The difference is that now she has eyes. The squinty look was what made Renee Zellweger Renee Zellweger. It’s her choice, people can get any surgery they want.  I don’t care, and I hope she continues to get roles because I think she’s actually a pretty good actress.

Nurse Betty was an amazing movie. People who only know her as Bridget Jones, or worse, as Tom Cruise’s girlfriend in Jerry McGuire, have not seen her at her best.

She never did play the super sex symbol type roles.  She has always been the average girl who managed to get the guy anyway.  It’s an important role.  I don’t know how this new look will work with that.  Also, she’s 44.  So, if she’s trying to turn herself into a hot, young, sex symbol now, it’s not going to work.

Some experts in cosmetic renovation, facial feng shui, have said that it might just be a bit of botox, but I don’t really get the importance of the distinction.  Is there still some sort of stigma attached to having your appearance surgically  altered?  I thought that was pretty much standard practice any more among those who can afford it, and certainly in Hollywood.

Anyway, Renee, talk to us.  We just want to know.  We’ll love you no matter what.  Because you are Renee Zellweger.

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Pistorius’ Piss Weak Punishment

I am against capital punishment.  Government’s cannot give life, governments should not be allowed to take life.  I believe that punishment, in fact, is not the job of the criminal justice system.  Neither is rehabilitation.  If a person is over 18, they should worry about rehabilitating their own damned selves.

And then he killed her

And then he killed her

I believe that the primary goal of the criminal justice system (in any country) should be keeping the dangerous people off the streets, so the rest of us can enjoy a peaceful, crime free society.  You don’t need to kill anybody to do that.  Just keep them locked up.

So, as strongly as I am opposed to capital punishment, I am opposed to courts letting murderers walk free, and that is what just happened in the Oscar Pistorius case.  The low life murdering son of a bitch got sentenced to 5 years, and will likely only serve two.  He could be out before he is 30.  He may even compete again.

Meanwhile, Reeva Steenkamp, a promising young model who had a great life to  look forward to, is dead.  She will not become undead when Pistorius walks out of prison.  He will go back to a life of wealth and fame and luxury.  Her sentence will keep running.

There are people serving longer sentences than this for smoking pot.

It’s not right.  Murderers should stay in jail for life.  So the rest of us can forget about them and never mention them again.

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Microbachius

I’m not sure if this story is more important for its scientific implications, or for its humor value.  Scientists believe they have discovered the first species which had sex.  It is called microbrachius dicki which, I’m pretty sure, is Latin for ‘little brachy dick.’  Fortunately, they are only fish, and they have probably been extinct for  a couple of hundred million years, or they might be insulted.Microbrachius Dicki

What always amazes me is how scientists can know.  This happened 385 million years ago, none of us were around, I don’t even know if the dinosaurs had arrived yet.  How the hell can  we know  today what their sex life was like.

Well, scientists have made this discovery leap of logic because they noticed on fossils (i.e. it’s been staring us in the face for years, just that somebody finally put 2 and 2 together) of the little guys that some of them have appendages.  So, instead of assuming a tail, or perhaps an early version of fingers, scientists figure it was obviously man’s best friend.

So, it’s probably a fossil with a penis, and evolution would have absolutely  no reason to develop a penis except for  the purpose of using it.  So, they’re the first that we know of, but were they the first?  We don’t know.  Fish, crustaceans, and other sea dwelling spcies, tend to not talk to us very much.

Since it was found in Scotland, the world’s first pickup line was “Aye, Lassie, would ye like to see my Loch Ness Monster?”

Anyway, another weird thing about these little critters is that once they’d figured out how to make sex, they apparently stopped doing it again.  Giving them credit for inventing  sex is like giving them credit for inventing 3-D  printing, or giving the Vikings credit for discovering North America.

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TV Programming Sucks

I’m not going to comment too much on the news tonight, except to repeat this line that somebody posted on facebook: More Americans have been married to Kim Kardashian than have died from Ebola.

Kim Kardashian

Kim Kardashian

True, that.  I’m sure it’s good to be aware and all, but it does seem the hysteria is a bit over the top,

Today was,  by my standards (and my standards are very, very low) a productive day.  I got a poem written, which I kind of like, and got a bit of work done on the book I’m writing.  Really, if I were the kind of writer with high standards of productivity, I’d be getting through three or four chapters a day and  the whole thing would have been finished months ago.

The reason for even that meager amount of productivity was that my internet connection was down.  But, even at that, I wasn’t forced into full time writing – as I should be, every day, just by force of will power.  No, I spent most of the day watching TV.

Good Lord, there is an awful amount of garbage on TV. The entertainment channels we get in English all have cop shows, it seems, all the time.  One of them seems to be obsessed with Hawaii 5-0 (new, not classic).  Putting a show in a beautiful setting does not change the fact that it is a pathetically formulaic piece of propaganda, an argument in  favor of occasionally slapping a suspect around.

Of the four discovery channels I usually watch, two had shows about auctions (really, I no longer care that stuff in abandoned warehouse storage rooms gets auctioned off, or that there are people who will bid for the junk enthusiastically.)

The only thing that’s worse is the “People Who Have Boring Jobs and Yell at Each Other a Lot”  program, which seems to be on quite frequently.

The other two had programs about cars.  Few subjects bore me more than cars.

So, I stumbled onto “Honey Boo Boo,” on the apparently misnamed Learning Channel.  I’ve heard people talking about this show, but this is the first I’ve ever seen it.  I lasted about 10 minutes.  A  girl was having a wedding shower, the only female present who was not morbidly obese, and they gave her a wrestling themed shower because she LOOOOOVES wrestling.  Also, some talk about farts.

I was embarrassed to watch it.  I was embarrassed for everyone involved in making it.  And I have no respect for anybody who actually enjoys stuff like this.  There is something wrong with you.

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Today in My Life

Today was not  a bad day.  As I left the house I realized I wasn’t sure where my 1st lesson was supposed to take place because the girl’s mother told me that they might be moving this weekend but she would call me and let me know.  She hadn’t called so I figured I’d just go to the same place and  hope for the best, but she  called  just before I got to the Metro and said they  were, indeed,  still there.

I just downloaded this picture from Google, but I'm pretty  sure it's the same guy

I just downloaded this picture from Google, but I’m pretty sure it’s the same guy

I got there and the lift was out of order so I had to walk up 5 flights but that’s O.K., a  bit of morning exercise.  Had  a really nice lesson, she’s a very motivated girl. Their apartment was in  a bit of a jumble, they moved this afternoon.

Then I came home, jonesing for a joint, and Helena had hidden my box of goodies.  So, I had to call her to find out where and she told me not to smoke in the flat, because my Mother in Law was coming and, in fact, showed up about  two minutes later, so that plan  was on hold.

But then she (my Mother in Law) went into the center, because there was an event at the shopping center where H works and the kids were in the fashion show, so all was good.

I still had to leave the flat to smoke, though, so I went to  the park in front of Invalidovna, (the semi-derelict old building where Hell Boy was filmed), a park where I have written many of my better poems, and sat there.

It was a lovely Indian Summer (or Babileto, meaning Grandmother’s Summer) day.  There was a bald,  almost bikerish looking guy wearing shorts and walking his big, black Labrador, he had one of the ball throwing things that are a bit like an adapted LaCrosse stick, and on a converging path were two very respectable looking  middle aged ladies with some kind of miniature poodle.

The poodle got right into the game, even got the ball, and soon he and the labrador were best friends, chasing each other and the ball.  Tiny dog with the heart of a hero and big dog with a heart of total marshmallow, became best friends and then parted as their owner’s paths converged and then separated moments later, making the most of a sweet window of opportunity.

Then I had to visit a few bookstores, looking for a language book the student’s mother specifically wants.  Didn’t find it, but an afternoon spent browsing in bookstores is always  a pleasant afternoon, and on the way I saw a guy in a horse’s head, playing the keyboards.

That’s something the world needs more of.

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Grisham Feels the Wrath

John Grisham said something, and people are furious.

You know John Grisham.  He writes novels about ethically challenged lawyers who eventually do the right thing, slimeballs with a heart of gold.  They sell millions of copies and, very often, get made into movies.  They are generally big, blockbuster movies whose titles start with “The”: The Firm, The Client, The Pelican Brief, and many more.

Evilest Man in the World (for today)

Evilest Man in the World (for today)

Here’s what he said:”We have prisons now filled with guys my age, 60-year-old white men in prison who’ve never harmed anybody, would never touch a child, but they got online one night and started surfing around, probably had too much to drink or whatever.  They haven’t hurt anybody, ok? They deserve some type of punishment, whatever. But ten years in prison?”

He went on to tell the story of a friend of his who got popped and sentenced to 3 years.  I’m sure that, to some extent, Grisham is probably guilty of listening to his friend’s side of the case more than the court’s verdict.  That’s natural.

People on facebook, of course, are up in arms.  I’ve seen such comments as ‘he should have his dick shot off with a shotgun’ and ‘he’s just as bad as any rapist,’ as well as one I saw calling for people to burn all their John Grisham books.

I remember that happening to The Beatles after John Lennon said they were more popular than Jesus Christ (which may well have been true).  They survived the controversy and their music still sells well.

John Grisham will survive, as well.

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