Spies

Sometimes I read news stories and laugh out loud, despite the  personal tragedy that the tale recounts for its principal characters, because the situation is so  ridiculous.

For example, the guy in Iran who was arrested recently for robbing a bank.  It was a brilliant plan, actually.  How was he to know that the wizard he paid  5 million rials (about 340 euros, about 440 USD) to make him invisible was a fraud?  Now, he’s going to probably lose a hand, or be flogged in public, or spend a good, long time in the Tehran jail, which almost certainly would be an unpleasant experience, and he himself was a victim.  So, it’s tragic, but I laugh anyway.

Likewise, the case of Ryan Fogle, a 3rd secretary at the American Embassy in Moscow (how low is a 3rd secretary?  Does that mean he has fetch the coffee for the 2nd secretaries?)  Russian authorities are saying that he  is a spy, working for the CIA.  It’s a bummer getting busted, so perhaps we shouldn’t laugh at poor Ryan Fogle at this juncture, but at the time of his arrest, he was found to be in possession of a couple of wigs and a large number of sunglasses.

Ryan Fogle having a bad day in Moscow

Really, dude?  Is that what they taught you in spy school?  Wigs and sunglasses?  It reminds me of the scene in “Take the Money and Run” or maybe it was “Bananas,” I’m not sure, where Woody Allen’s  parents were being interviewed on  TV but they were disguised and they had the bignose masks, with comically huge glasses and bushy mustache.  You’re CIA, you’re supposed to be James Bond, but this sounds more like a Scooby and Shaggy plan. Wigs and sunglasses.

Anyway, there’s a broader point I’d like to make.  Isn’t all this spying stuff a little bit outdated?  Everything you might need to know is online.  Want aerial reconnaissance photos?  Check Google Earth.  You want to know the opinions of the Russian people?  Talk to them.  Read their newspapers.  You want to know what’s happening inside their military?  Read their facebook pages.

It would be a lot more effective than whatever the hell you thought you were going to accomplish with sunglasses and a couple  of wigs.

(I expect that Fogle will just be  sent back to the states.  This will probably end his career as a spy, but he really wasn’t cut out for it anyway.