I saw two articles on the Huffing a Ton of Paste today which I didn’t even consider reading. “22 Things to Never Say to a Multiracial Person” and “9 Things People Over 50 Don’t Want to Hear.” Just about every day they have some article like that. 12 Things You Shouldn’t Say to a Pregnant Woman, The Top 6 Things You Shouldn’t Say to a Childless Couple, 8 Things You Shouldn’t Say to a Handicapped Person.
It’s not only worn out as a meme, it’s downright counterproductive. The world needs more communication, no less. More openness, not more closedness. So, I’d like it if they started posted lists like 10 Things You Should Say to a Stranger on a Train, or whoever. The key is that “should say” is better than “should not say.”
If everybody goes around memorizing lists of what not to say to various easily offended groups of people, most people will just say nothing at all, and that’s not very friendly. The other day, as I was coming out of the grocery store, there was a woman walking in my direction (although still at enough of a distance I could pretend I didn’t see her, and there were plenty of people between her and me) who was probably homeless, probably drunk, and very visibly missing one leg. She was shouting at the top of her lungs “Yeah, that’s right, look away, you bunch of fucking assholes, look away, nothing to see here, yeah, I’m invisible” or something like that, my Czech is not perfect, but she was definitely pissed that people were deliberately ignoring her, and there were definitely a few obscenities sprinkled in there.
I kept walking, because I don’t want to engage crazy, bitter homeless people in conversation any more than the next person. Also, I realize it may be a bit flippant of me to say “various easily offended groups.” I am white, male, able bodied, and heterosexual. I belong to just about every privileged group there is, except rich and famous.
That said, I don’t think we need a list (certainly not a 22 item list) of things not to say to a multiracial person. Most of them are probably common sense, and a lot of them will depend on the person and your relationship to them. So maybe 22 Things Not to Say to a Multiracial Person unless you are dating them, or unless maybe you are just as multiracial as they are, or unless you are their doctor or psychologist or AA sponsor.
Also, some people can get away with saying things that others can’t. So, “7 Things Not to Say to a Childless Couple unless you’re the kind of person who can naturally get away with saying any old shit to anybody” might be a more reasonable list. I’ve known people like that, although I’m not one of them. I think the key is openness and a sense of humor.
Anyway, I’m just tired of the whole “things you can’t say” attitude. Keep your attitude friendly, respectful and open and anything you say will probably be all right. If it’s not, then fuck ’em.
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