The Currant Still Sucks

One of the risks of writing a blog every day is that I might repeat myself, like forget that I wrote about something two weeks ago and say almost exactly the same thing, and the only way to do that would be to actually check but bugger that, it’s not like I’m getting paid to write this or anything like that which would induce me to do anything that resembles work.

In fact, I’m pretty sure that I have touched on this topic before, how the addle-pated cretins (what is a pate, and how do you addle one – damned if I know, but it sounds right) over at The Currant are the most unfunny people to appear in print since Mitt Romney.  They remind me greatly of the character Hawk in Goooooood Morning, Viet Nam!  In fact, Currant Dudes, you suck the sweat off a dead man’s balls.

They call themselves a satire site, but they are not, unless they are using the word satire satirically.  Satire is supposed to be funny, absurd, to take a real situation and draw it way past any logical conclusion, to the point where everybody knows you are kidding.

At The Currant, they just make shit up and throw it out there and if there is any attempt to make it humorous, it is completely imperceptible.  That’s the thing about humor.  It has to be perceptible.  You can make the funniest damned joke in the universe, if people don’t know you are joking they might not laugh and, in some circumstances, they might punch you in the face.  I’ve had that happen.  It’s no good to say “I was joking!” after they’ve already punched you in the face.  They aren’t going to laugh then.  Even if they do, it won’t be as satisfying.

Their latest transgression is a story in which they said 37 people died of overdoses after marijuana was legalized in Colorado.  That joke has been tried before.  It was a film called “Reefer Madness.”  It was made in about 1873, and showed people going crazy from smoking marijuana and playing the piano with great intensity.  When they made us watch it in Junior High School, everybody laughed, and half of us hadn’t even ever smoked yet.  (When I was 13, I looked like I was 9 and none of the cool kids ever invited me to their reefer parties).

They could have said something funny about Colorado.  There was a picture circulating around the internet of a giant smog-like cloud over Denver, that was kind of funny.  They could have said that Safeway ran out of Cheetos, that traffic slowed to a halt (which is funny because stoned people drive really slow), that the entire state had broken loose from continental North American and drifted off into space, leaving an embarrassing gap between Nebraska and Utah.

That might not have been hysterical but, since no reasonable person would have believed it, it would have at least fit the technical definition of satire.

But no, they just said 37 people died and a lot of people believed them, and therein lies the problem.  As stupid as the people who write The Currant are, there are even stupider people who believe them.   They are to comedy what Fox News is to news.