Kim Jong un is incommunicado. Kim Jong un is nowhere to be found. Of course, this has prompted rumors that there has been a coup. That may just be wishful thinking and this article from the Guardian, one of the few newspapers out there I still respect, thinks it’s nonsense because if there had been a coup, a lot of shit would be going on that isn’t going on, like maybe somebody would have announced that there’s been a coup and they’re in charge now, because usually when somebody’s pulled off a coup, they can’t wait to announce it.
Kim Jong un
They (the Guardian) reckon he’s got some health issues (the last time he was seen in public, in early September, he was walking with a limp) and doesn’t want to be seen at less than his best. Must keep up a strong, healthy image, you know. Weenie.
It’s all speculation at this point and, in the game of speculation, anything goes. So, here are some possibilities and, if any of them prove to be true, I’ll be the 1st blogger to tell you so.
1. There WAS a coup. The Guardian, much as I love them, doesn’t know everything. Coups are like snowflakes and fingerprints, no two are the same. Maybe the plotters (i.e. the new government) have good reasons (staying alive?) for going slow and maintaining the status quo for a little while longer.
2. He’s hanging with his buddy, Dennis Rodman, at an undisclosed location.
3. Just taking some personal time. Chill, people, it’s only been a month.
4. Secret vacation to Switzerland. Was spotted and overheard in a Zurich restaurant saying “Fuck this North Korea shit. Why can’t I be sacred grand dictator for life of a cool country like, say for instance, Trinidad-Tobago or something?
5. Tired of the damned paparazzi. (I consider this one unlikely, because he could take the paparazzi out and have them shot, if there even was such a thing in NoKo.)
6. Giving his hair time to grow out.
7. Finally realized that everybody is just laughing at him.
8. Has put on about a million pounds from too many state dinners.
9. Spending time in the studio, recording an album.
10. Kidnapped by aliens. No idea why, but they are aliens. Who can understand their motives.
Feel free to leave any other possibilities in the comments.
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