June 26th, 2010

One of the most popular features of our school paper, “Watson’s World News” is the horoscope.  I don’t really believe in the zodiac, but I do believe that even a blind pig gets an acorn once in awhile and that, like Tarot or Voodoo, the very fact that people believe in it give it power.

Everybody likes to read something about themselves, even if it’s a bunch of codswallop.  It is a fantastic conversation starter because if someone’s horoscope says “You need to take a fresh look at an old situation” the student may talkeabout some project at work they are involved in and how they think they could do it better, if the cards say “you are about to meet the love of your life” they may tell me more about their personal life than I wanted to know, but as long as they do it in Engish, my goal is achieved.

It’s sometimes quite exasperating to write.  A lot of sites give out free information for the current month, but the readings for the upcoming month are nowhere to be found.  So, I keep browsing through the horoscope sites – there are truly a lot of them – until I find one that gives me the free content I need.  I’ve seen some doozies.  Apparently, proper English is not a requirement for mediums.  Then, I have to cut the page or so of content down to a couple of succinct sentences.  The idea is to get the most information out there in the fewest words.  It’s an art form.

They can’t all possibly be making money.  Susan Miller, perhaps, and the good people at astrologycafe.com, but I’m sure most of these sites are struggling and the people do it more out of love and genuine belief than the idea that it’s going to make them rich.

One very interesting thing I have noticed, though. (editing a newspaper is an infinitely educational job) is that there is not as much difference between the signs as there is month on month.  That is, the stars just determine if it’s going to be a good month or a shitty month, and the editors try to tailor that news to the individual signs.  This month, for instance, almost everybody had some version of “you have a lot of details to take care of before the 11th, and after the 11th it’s a good month for travel and meeting new people.”

Also, if people really, truly followed their horoscopes, the divorce rate would be through the roof, because nobody’s reading says “stay at home and don’t fool around” EVERY month, and that’s what it takes.

Also, for instance, let’s say you are a Taurus married to an Aries, for example.  Say your reading for the month is “go out and party and meet new people” and hers is “spend more time with your spouse?”  You’ve got a problem.