Celebrity drug addict and bad driver Lindsay Lohan is going to change her name. From now on, she will just be Lindsay, according to her mother, Dina Lohan.
Really, she had no choice. She’d reached the point of diminishing returns with the wild partying. Merely getting shitfaced in public wasn’t going to get her headlines any more.
Lindsay!
Another lesbian relationship? Nah, nobody really got all that excited about the Sam Ronson thing, and after awhile even Sam, who was nowhere close to being the good looking one in the couple, got tired of putting up with Lindsay’s shit.
Get arrested again? It’s getting too risky. Eventually, some judge is going to sentence her to actual jail time, or at least real rehab. Real rehab, as opposed to celebrity rehab, would be just like jail to Lindsay, because they wouldn’t let her have drugs. Also, she’s already been arrested for drug possession, drunk driving and theft. If she wants her arrest to be on page one, she’s going to have to kill somebody.
The only other alternative would be to actually star in a hit film, and there’s no guarantee of that happening. Allow me to digress here for just a second: I actually think Lindsay Lohan is a hell of a good looking woman with a reasonable amount of talent. A bit of hard work and a reduction in her regular nasal intake of exotic Colombian powders and a career revival would not be impossible. But, there’s no guarantee. Hollywood is filled with stunningly good looking women, and damned near every one of them would like to take Lilo’s place.
So, she decided to change her name. It will get her a couple of headlines and mention on blogs like mine that not that many people read, but it won’t really work the way she wants it to. Madonna pulled it off because she’s a pretty good singer and amazingly hard working. Cher has more charisma than anybody in the world except Cher. Prince has an ego as big as Lilo’s, but he’s got some pretty cool songs and is a pretty fair dancer, too. Bjork has a beautiful voice and an offbeat style. They also all have unusual and memorable names.
Lindsay? Not so much. People might confuse her with U.S. Senator and alleged closet homosexual Lindsey Graham (R-SC). Also, her name as it is is a great name, with the L alliteration we all know and love from the Superman comics. Lois Lane, Lana Lang, Lex Luthor….why in the world would she give that up?
www.gurukalehuru.com 