One of FDR’s vice-presidents, John Nance Garner of Texas, has been famously quoted as saying the vice-presidency isn’t worth a bucket of warm piss. Perhaps that, and his ill-concealed impatience for Mr. Roosevelt to just hurry up and die already, is the reason he never became president.
John Nance Garner - Basically, forgotten to history
But he was right. The vice-presidency has no real power. Oh, Cheney had power over W, but that’s because he’s Cheney, not because he was the vice-president. It was just a better cover than being the White House janitor. There may be other examples throughout history, but the office itself doesn’t really count for much.
And candidate for vice president on a losing ticket doesn’t really add to your resume at all. So, it’s no surprise that Chris Christie and several other Republican favorites have said they’re not interested. However, it has to be somebody and names are being bandied about the blogosphere.
The thing is, though, whoever Mitt picks it will be a Republican and there isn’t a one in the bunch without a shitload of negative characteristics. Let’s take a look:
Chris Christie: Morbidly obese, obnoxious arrogant potty mouth. Not going to help Mitt with the lady voters.
Rick Santorum: Would probably do more than any other nominee to ensure that Mitt loses Pennsylvania. And Mitt can’t afford to lose Pennsylvania.
Newt Gingrich: Ack, that wife.
Ron Paul: This would be a bold choice, and may even be able to siphon off votes from Obama. (lots of us would like to vote for legalized pot and no more wars). But, Romney would have to spend half the campaign distancing himself from things Paul says.
Marco Rubio: Lied about his family background. Also, outside of Miami, nobody gives a shit about the whole Cuban thing.
Jeb Bush: Bush.
Crazy Eyes Bachmann: In spite of the fact that her husband looks like a gay Benny Hill, choosing a woman veep might be the smart thing to do. But only if he picks a smart woman, and where’s he going to find one of those in the Republican party?
Sarah Palin: see above
Christine O’Donnell: see above
Nikki Haley: see above, plus under indictment
Jan “vote for me or I’ll shoot you” Brewer: That scene at the airport is as close as she will get to the president of the United States – any president of the United States – for the rest of her life.
Olympia Snowe: She’s a conservative’s idea of what a centrist looks like, which means she’s still an extreme right winger, just not quite as mouthy about it. Also, there’s that unfortunate physical resemblance to The Wicked Witch of the West.
Rick Perry: Pill poppin’, Bible thumpin’, gun shootin’, rootin’ tootin’ giant flaming moron.
Tim Pawlenty: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Bobby Jindal: Oh, heck, while we’re talking about self-loathing ethnic Republicans, how about Dixie Jew Eric Cantor or Allen (81 communists) West. Or maybe that gay guy, Fred Karger -that would really expand Romney’s base.
Romney, I suspect, will pick the safest, most boring person available. He’s going to lose anyway. He would probably prefer not to become a laughing stock.
Tim Pawlenty, get ready to take that call.
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