Once a month, every month, my wife and I put together “Watson’s World News” for our school, Watson’s School of English. I try to use simplified English, and avoid politics and boring, everyday topics that students will read about in other newspapers and don’t always want to discuss in class.
Those are coffins.
So, it looks a bit like a scandal sheet, which is kind of fun and a pleasant break and a good reminder that, among all of the grim news that greets us daily, there is some truly horrific news. But, some good stuff, too.
This month’s featured story, sadly, was the passing of Larry Hagman, who everybody remembers as J.R. Ewing, but everybody over 50 remembers as astronaut Tony Nelson on I Dream of Jeannie, where he played a nice, decent guy. That was the glorious thing about his career, that he went from playing a nice guy to playing a total dickhead so effortlessly. Apparently, he was a decent sort in real life, too, a big advocate of solar energy and marijuana use, and generally a fun guy to be around.
Then there was the story of the Romney supporter who tried to kill her husband for not voting. She hit him with their car. He got hurt pretty badly. It happened in Arizona, which should surprise nobody. Then there was a story about a WWII carrier pigeon whose remains were found – in a chimney – with a note attached to his leg. But nobody can figure out the code. Oh, well, it probably doesn’t matter now, anyway.
On page 2 there is a story which I thought was funny, but could have turned out quite badly. A guy accidentally gave out his stash of coke instead of candy on Halloween. Horrified at his mistake, he tried to find the kids and warn them, but the cops found him first. Then, a story which raises some serious ethical issues. A man in China (we always seem to have lots of weird Chinese stories, lately – this month is no exception) sued his wife because their baby was ugly. He claimed that her failure to tell him she’d had cosmetic surgery was false advertising. Then, a story about how the world will probably not end on December 21st, after all, for any of you who were worried about it. If it actually does, I’ll print a retraction in January. Promise. Then the superfan who bought his team’s toilet, a cosmetic surgeon who wants to market botox to poker players, a naked dude who climbed up a statue and a Chinese grandfather (there’s China again) who became a supermodel on the internet. There is the Twilight Zone-esque story of an island which does not exist, followed by a Christmas page, with a super expensive Christmas tree in Japan, a Polish calendar of seriously questionable taste, and Black Friday in the U.S., possibly the most twisted interpretation of the holiday spirit in the history of the holiday.
You can read it here.
www.gurukalehuru.com 