As somebody who studied journalism and spends a fair bit of time reading news, bad headlines are a serious pet peeve of mine. There’s just no excuse for it. Back in the day, when newspapers were still paper, sometimes space constraints might excuse using silly abbreviations, omitting a word or using the simple past instead of the present perfect because you couldn’t fit the extra 4 spaces for the word had, but now they can use as many lines as they like, seeing as how space on the internet is infinite and the articles just keep on streaming, so there’s no excuse.
But those are minor quibbles. Allow me to use examples from the front page of today’s Huffington Post for examples of some of the things that really piss me off. “Clock Ticks on Gitmo Detention Authority,” first, as I mentioned the space issue before, they don’t really need to write Gitmo. They could write Guantanamo if they wanted to speak of this egregious human violation of human rights in dignified terms rather to be cutesy and always say “Gitmo” because it sounds tough and mariney. Second, it’s not like there was any real legitimacy to Guantanamo in the first place. Third, no chance in hell congress is actually going to do the right thing and actually close the damned place. So, it’s essentially news about nothing.
“Sarah Silverman Talks Masturbation.” Well, of course she does. Sarah Silverman talks about that stuff all the time.
“Kim, Kanye and Baby North Step Out in NYC” Really? Sort of famous people exist, we have photographic proof. They go for walks! Just not really news, is it?
“Officer Admits to Taking Demeaning Videos” nothing really wrong with the headline there, but again, it’s not news.
“Couples Drinking Habits May Predict Likelihood of Divorce” Again, well, duh. If you sit around the house all day drinking beer and doing intermittent shots of Jaeger while your wife is out working, a breakup is imminent.
“Republicans Aim to Finish State Takeover.” Well, of course they do. They are Republicans.
Actually, after writing this, I realize that it’s not so much the headlines that I object to as the blandness of the news itself.
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