From Wu-Tang Clan* to No-Wang Clan for rapper Andre Johnson, who performs under the ridiculously pretentious name “Christ Bearer.” Apparently, dude was just chilling with his friends when he suddenly jumped up and bobbitized himself, I don’t know if he got the knife from the kitchen or if he always carries a meat slicer with him. Then he jumped off the balcony, seemingly trying to kill himself.
This man no longer has a penis.
I’m not sure about that last. Maybe he just freaked out at the realization that an important piece of himself was gone and jumped off the balcony in a fit of grief and hysteria.
Which raises the question, what the hell prompted him to do that, anyway? Maybe he’d already decided to commit suicide, but if he did it was a stupid plan, they were only on the 2nd floor. Having decided to commit suicide, maybe he figured he’d go out in a blaze of glory. Sure makes Van Gogh look like a B-lister in the artists who’ve sliced off body parts Hall of Fame. Maybe he figured he’d become really famous after his death. Maybe. Actually, he’s still alive, so he might speak more about it in a day or two.
His friends say no hard drugs were involved, but of course they would. I know I would. Still, the vast majority of cocaine users, even those who consume in copious quantities, almost never suddenly decide to slice their sausage clean off. There’s no motive. And opium or heroin users wouldn’t be able to pick up the knife.
Now, I know that somewhere in a hospital in Los Angeles there is a man who is going through a hell of a shit time right now, and it’s probably not nice to speculate and make jokes about his situation, and I hope he gets better and all, but damn, this is a weird situation and somebody needs to make a movie about it.
I watched one of his videos. I won’t say he’s devoid of talent. It is, though, just a long string of offensive language, glorification of violence, and bragging. He will never be as important as Van Gogh, no matter what he cuts off.
*Although his association with the Wu-Tang Clan widely reported in the media, the Wu-Tang Clan music collective issued a statement saying “We don’t have anything to do with this guy,” although instead of ‘guy’ they employed a common pejorative with clear Oedipal implications.
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