Tag Archives: Governor Goodhair

Perry Out!

The rootin’-tootin’ Governor of the god forsaken state of Texas, Governor Prettyhair, Rick “Pray for rain” Perry, has announced he will not run for re-election in 2014.

I am cautiously thrilled by this news.  I say cautiously, because politicians come back more often than the living dead  and unless they are either dead or in jail, they are probably plotting their comeback, and even jail is not a 100% deterrent.

Rick Perry fondles a bottle of Maple Syrup during the New Hampshire debate

Rick Perry fondles a bottle of Maple Syrup during the New Hampshire debate

Terry Sanford is back from the Appalachian trail and he now has the hottest Argentinian girlfriend of any U.S. Senator.  Anthony Weiner is braving the shitstorm of inevitable weiner jokes to try and get back into office, and slimy hypocrite Eliot Spitzer is running for some minor office but, to really make that race comical, his madame is running against because she’s all kinds of pissed off that she went to jail and he didn’t.

The point is, politicians make comebacks today.  All the time.  So, is the world’s #1 fan of maple syrup planning to make a comeback?  That would mean that he realized he’s likely to get an ass-whooping in 2014 and wants to just bide his time, out of office for a couple of years while everybody will forget what a moron he is,  and run again for president in 2016.  It just might work because Americans have very short memories and, admittedly, it’s what Hillary’s doing.

The difference is that Hillary is not a braying jackass, and actually has a shot at the presidency.

Or, did he realize he was going to get an ass whooping and decide that perhaps this would be a good time to bow out of politics with his head held high – unindicted, unimpeached.

Either way, it seems like he looked at the recent Austin Women’s Uprising and trembled in fear.  Good.

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Slick Rick’s Dick Trick

Really, I just like the rhyming headline.  I’m not bothered that Governor Goodhair, the guy who refuses stimulus funds and then complains that the government aid isn’t coming fast enough when his entire state catches fire, the man whose solution to a

Two things Perry really, really loves: Guns and Jesus

drought is to  pray  for rain, the man who actually, seriously suggested that Texas secede from the Union because, by golly, he just hates President Obama that much, jumped into the Republican race between the Iowa Republican candidates debate and the Ames straw poll, stealing the headlines for himself.  That was expected, that’s just politics and it was actually pretty good timing.

But I do object to Rick Perry.  After his massive prayer rally last week, it’s clear that he’s running as “the Christian candidate” and in order to take that title away from madwoman Michele Bachmann, who married her husband (Marcus “pray the gay away” Bachmann) based on a vision from God, he will have to be pretty fanatically Christian indeed.  In 2008 it was flag pins, in 2012 it will be about who  is wearing the biggest cross.  Keep it in church, people.  Religion and politics are not a good mix.

There are several other things I object to about Perry, but I’ll focus on  one.  He is the governor of  Texas.  Now, I hope that doesn’t sound too bigoted.  I know many fine people from Texas (Hi, Kelly! Hi, Gary! Hi, Megan!) but, seriously, the place is a shithole.  They are at, or near, the bottom in all sorts of important stats.  High school dropouts, people below the poverty line, number of people without health insurance, stuff like that.  Perry hasn’t exactly turned that around.  He’s just carried on in the Texas tradition, taking great pride in the fact that they  are number one in number of prisoners executed.

America has suffered enough from it’s Texan presidents:  Lyndon Johnson and the two Bushes.  Now, I know a lot of Democrats love Lyndon for civil rights and the Great Society and I will hand it to him – he was not a racist.  He was a totally unprincipled, power mad politician, a greedy, corrupt warmonger who caused the deaths of millions, but he was not a racist.

Also, some people would point out that the Bushes were both faux Texans.  Bullshit.  They were both elected to political office in Texas before they became President, they both claimed to be from Texas even if they were, spiritually, east coast elitists, and the voters of Texas accepted them.

I’m not saying it is impossible for a good politician to come out of  Texas.  Anne Richards would have probably made a great president.  But Rick Perry is no Anne Richards.  He is very clearly in the George W. Bush mold.

And that is something we really shouldn’t have to  go through again.

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