Tag Archives: rick perry

January 11, 2012 · 9:37 pm

After New Hampshire

I have just been defriended by an Australian lady on facebook, for making disparaging remarks about their national cuisine.  I’m sure Australia’s a lovely country.  Great beaches.  Cute little Koala Bears.  Kangaroos.

But Vegemite really does suck.  Sorry.

Anyway, that’s not my blog topic for this evening.  There seem to be two main schools of thought

You all know what Mitt Romney looks like. Here's a picture of New Hampshire.

in analyzing the results of the New Hampshire primary.  First, it’s a big Romney win.  He won in Iowa and New Hampshire, he’s pretty much got a lock on the nomination.  He’s got the momentum, he’s got the money, the ABR* crowd is splintered, that’s it, it’s all over but the shouting.

The other view is that Romney is toast.  He only won Iowa by  8 votes (that’s 0 percentage points) and he didn’t get over 40% in New Hampshire, where they supposedly love the guy.  This is despite spending massive amounts of money.

I tend toward the second view, but I’m not so sure as I was a couple of weeks ago.  39 percent is not 40%, but it’s still 17 points more than Ron Paul got, and Rick Santorum really didn’t do very well at all.  If Romney wins in South Carolina and Florida, he might very well win the nomination.

But here’s the rub:  a Republican candidate needs 1144 delegates to get the nomination.  37 have been chosen. (not exactly, because Iowa is complicated and the delegates elected at the precinct caucuses go to a county convention where they choose the delegates to the state convention where they choose the delegates to the national convention, but still, we have indications)  Of those, Romney has 20, Santorum 12, Paul 3 and Huntsman 2.  Four out of the 6 people still in the running have delegates.  Gingrich and Perry may  well pick up a few as the race moves south.  Southerners vote for Southerners.  Perhaps it’s local pride.  Perhaps it’s just that they feel comfortable with someone who has the same accent.  Perhaps it’s because they are stupid.

In any event, if Romney can’t get over 50% in any state (which is likely, since he couldn’t top 40% in New Hampshire), and nobody drops out and leaves him their delegates, then he goes to the convention without the required 1144 votes, and then we will see some desperate politicking, you betcha.

Romney might try to buy off Gingrich or Santorum with the vice-presidency.  Paul might try to make alliances, too, although he’s not generally very good at it.

We could get one of those really interesting conventions, which last for days and lead to massive verbal abuse and occasionally physical violence.  That would be fun to watch.

 

*anybody but Romney

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November 11, 2011 · 10:18 pm

What in the World Does it Take?

Howard Dean’s political ambitions were cut short by a scream.  It really wasn’t that  big a scream, but they played it over and over again on TV and that was an end on it.  Shame.  IMHO, Howard Dean would have made a great president.  Mike Dukakis looked really stupid in a tank, wearing a

Dumber Than a Box of Hammers

helmet, and that was enough to doom his chances.  Gary Hart got caught with a girl – just one.  Edmund Muskie, back in ’72, let a teardrop fall during an emotional speech.  You’d have thought he peed in his pants, the way the newspapers carried on.

It’s true.  Presidential campaign’s have  collapsed  for  a wide  variety of reasons, not all of them  political.  So,   what’s   changed?

Both Herman Cain and Rick Perry   seem to have unassailable candidacies.  That is, as much as the saner segment of society is   scratching its collective noggin and saying “Well, by  golly, looks like that Cain guy is a pure   fool, doesn’t it?” and “Dang,  that Rick Perry  guy is so  dumb, he reminds me of W,” they both have their   devoted  followers.

But let’s compare the record.  Cain can’t pronounce Uzbekistan, doesn’t   really understand what pro-life means,  only found out a  few day ago that China has nuclear weapons, put out a  really stupid ad in favor of smoking,  wants to  rewrite   Hail to the Chief, plagiarized his  tax code from a computer game and is currently beset by  allegations of sexual  harassment  and  campaign  finance irregularities.  He’s not only  still in, he just had a record breaking  month for fund raising.

Then  there’s  Texas Governor Rick Perry.  You’d think the Granite State  speech, where he looked like Peewee Herman, fondling that maple syrup  bottle at the end,   would have done him in.  Not Rick Perry.  You’d think that his  lame debate performances up till now would have done him in.  You’d have been wrong.

So, is he finished after the other night’s  debacle, in which he said he planned to eliminate 3 government agencies and then could only think of two of them?   I   doubt it.  These are Republicans we are talking about here.

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November 2, 2011 · 8:21 pm

Will Rick’s Shtick Stick?

This last week, Texas Governor Richard Perry, the crazy, gun-lovin, Christian Dominionist, talks to Jesus  candidate for the Reeeepublican nomination for presidency of the United States of America, made a speech up in Vermont, the Granite State, which has got people talking.

Like a Kid in a Candy Store

It wasn’t so much what Governor Goodhair had to say – he talked about his postage card tax program, which is about as closely connected to economic reality as Herman Cain’s 999 plan, how happy he was to be in Vermont, how much people in Texas like saying pointlessly macho stuff (Bring it, heh, heh) and a couple of other things.

It was the way that he said it.  Republican spin doctor’s are saying that he was “full of enthusiasm” and “the people who were there loved it.  They felt he hit it out of the park.”

Most people who watched the speech, or have seen the short clip attached here, think he was drunk, or perhaps on some medication.  First of all, let me just  say right here that I think  politicians, like everybody else, have a perfect right to get blotto drunk and say stupid shit now and again.  As long as they own up to it.

Maybe he wasn’t drunk or fucked up on downers, even though he looked it.  His delivery had a bit of that Charlie Sheen madness to it, as spoken by a 14 year old girl after her first Long Island Iced Tea.  But he didn’t puke or fall down and, to that 28% of Americans who are chronically cognitively challenged, he did hit it out of the park.

Here’s my theory: Perry was deliberately introducing a new persona, as a desperate political move – that just might pay off.  He was sinking fast, falling behind Herman  Cain both in the  polls and in the who-can-say-stupider-shit sweepstakes.

So, he decided to reinvent himself, knowing perfectly well that the demographic he is aiming at have the political attention spans of goldfish, and some of them might say, “Hey,  I like this new Perry guy.  He’s different.”  Cowboy Rick wasn’t working, so he decided to go with DJ Rick.

The next few days will tell.  If he continues to talk like he did in New Hampshire it is either a brilliant  political strategem or outrageously egregious false political advertising.  If he goes back to talking the way he usually talks, then he was probably just drunk.

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October 25, 2011 · 9:29 pm

Herman Cain’s Crazy Train

The Herman Cain crazy train just keeps chugging along.  After his disastrous comment on abortion a few days back (which made me suspect he thinks he can just apply the phrase “it’s none of the government’s business” any time he gets confused and doesn’t know what to say), was

He'll Put the United Back in United States!

overshadowed by Rick Perry’s insane birther ramblings and even more insane defense of those ramblings ( Well, heck, I know it’s not true, I just think we should keep saying it because it’s funny, har, har), Cain needed to throw some more chips into the crazy pot just to stay in the game, so he produced this little gem.

Now, the text is nothing original.  Pretty standard average guy talking about how much he likes Herman Cain.  Except for the fact that he’s Herman Cain’s campaign manager, or something like that.  Really, that’s pretty lame.  You can go one of two ways with testimonial ads.  Either get a variety of people who really do look like average folks:  An old woman, a young Hispanic man, a child, a cute old couple where she’s talking a mile a minute and he’s just nodding resignedly.  Let them say lots of nice things about the candidate.  Or get some major public figure who everybody respects and have them sing the candidate’s praises.  But your campaign manager?  Come on, Pizza Man.

Then comes the really weird part.  After he’s finished speaking, when the music comes up real dramatic like, old campaign manager Mark Block takes a big, old drag off his cigarette, like he thinks he’s Robert Mitchum or somebody.  For no apparent reason whatsoever.

There is always a reason.  Mike Gravel throwing a rock into the lake was symbolic of something.  Even when that obscure Republican candidate (Johnson? Huntsman?) did the weird ads about the guy on the motorcycle, at least it was interesting desert scenery.

What is Cain trying to say here?  That all Americans should start smoking again?  Is smoking a new metaphor for freedom?  Does Mark Block think he is the urban, middle aged Marlboro Man?

My suspicion is this.  It’s a setup.  If liberals, like myself, respond to this ad with a big WTF?, which is pretty much the only response, it allows the Cain clan to respond “Well, Barry smokes!”  First off, I’m not sure he does, and secondly, it doesn’t really matter.  It’s just a really stupid thing to put into your campaign advert.  Looks dorky.

The comforting thing is this is really the best line of attack the Republicans have.  Besides the teleprompter, Dijon and birth certificate issues, of course.

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October 4, 2011 · 7:52 pm

How Cain Will Win Republican Nomination

Well, first of all, I don’t blame Chris Christie.  It’s not his fault that he had to give another speech saying he’s not running for president.  He made it pretty clear in that speech at the Reagan Library last week, where he said (I am paraphrasing)”Nope, no way, forget about it, not even

Herman (I hate Muslims more than anybody) Cain

thinking about running.”  But the press spent the week writing stories about how Christie was certainly just kidding and undoubtedly about to get into the race, because it was much easier than headinginto downtown Manhattan with a camera and a notepad.  Or Boston.  Or San Francisco.  Or Asheville, North Carolina.  Never mind.  They are no  longer actually needed as a dispenser of news.

The Republicans who are still in the race are busy making fools out of themselves.  Michele Bachmann  was doing a radio call in show when somebody called in to say that Obama was the worst president ever, and he’d vote for Charles Manson before he’d ever vote for Obama.  He said he was pulling for Michele, and then she said “Aw, gee, thanks” without responding to the Charles Manson comment at all.   So, Charles Manson fans support Michele Bachmann.   Must be the eyes.

Then, it turns out Rick Perry’s family owns a hunting lodge down in Texas called “Niggerhead.”  Perry says they only lease the land, they don’t own it outright, and they painted over the sign with that name on it years ago, but the difference between owning and leasing isn’t really relevant, (it’s what they call it that counts) and plenty of locals say it wasn’t all that many years ago that they painted the sign over, like maybe 2 or 3.  Like maybe about the time the Good Lord Jesus told Governor Goodhair he should run for president.

Undoubtedly the most comical character in the Republican sandbox, however, is Herman Cain.  It’s not just that he’s a black man in the Republican party.  We’ve seen Michael Steele, and Alan Keyes, and Clarence Thomas, and Alan West, so that’s not really a new phenomenon.

No, Cain is funny in his own right.  He wrote a book outlining what he’d do differently as President.  He’d keep a copy of the constitution on his desk.  He’d replace the Inaugural Ball with a series of celebratory occasions, because I guess those cost less than a big, fancy ball.  And, he’d rewrite Hail to the Chief, because it needs more gospel.  That’s his platform.  And he’s doing great.  He could win this thing.

Here’s how it could happen:  Romney will continue to do great in the eyes of the main stream media, who apparently are just writing whatever stories they feel like writing, right up until the primaries begin.  Then he will fade, because as much as old school Republicans love him, that’s how much teabaggers hate him, and they will vote.

A lot of Republicans will vote for Cain, thinking that if they nominate a black man, he can beat Obama, because they actually are retarded enough to believe the nonsense they spew about how Obama only won because he is black.  Far fetched?  It’s how Sarah Palin wound up with the VP nomination last time around, isn’t it?

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