Tag Archives: rick perry

September 13, 2011 · 11:05 am

Why Republicans Love Death

They had another one of those Republican “debates” last night.  If they were doing this as an American Idol/Survivor/Big Brother formatted thing, where one person got voted off each week, it might be better.  As it is, it is becoming tiresome.

Who the Republicans Really Want for President

Nobody made any bold new policy statements and everybody picked on Rick Perry because he once did something that was halfway humanitarian, even though he only did so after receiving campaign contributions from the pharmaceutical company, Merck.  What I thought was the funniest line of the night came when he was defending himself over that, to Michele Bachmann.  “If you think I can be bought for only $5,000, I’m offended.”  He was careful not to say he couldn’t be bought.  Just that it would take a bit more than a measly five grand. Ten, maybe.

But the scariest, truly most horrific statement of the evening came from the audience.  When Ron Paul was asked about a hypothetical case where a person is in hospital without health insurance, he said, essentially, they should have had health insurance.  When Wolf Bagger Blitzer asked him if that meant they should be allowed to die, a couple of people in the audience shouted out “Yeah!” and many others applauded.

To his credit, Paul gave a somewhat more nuanced reply, mentioning churches and charities and stuff.  Ron Paul is not a moron.  He may not even be a bad person.   But a lot of his supporters are nasty and vicious and think with the reptilian part of their brain.

This is the second debate in a row where the loudest applause came from the mention of death.  When Brian Williams mentioned, in the last debate, that Rick Perry had executed 234 people, the crowd went wild.  They love that kind of shit.

I think I know why.  I haven’t done a survey or anything, but I would be willing to bet money that most Teabaggers’ favorite films are action adventure films.  They like Chuck Norris, Sylvester Stallone, Nick Cage, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Charles Bronson, Bruce Willis, Clint Eastwood and so on.  No matter how complex the plot (did you ever see Face Off?  Pretty exciting stuff, but don’t watch it if you’re in the mood to think, even for a second), it gets resolved when the hero beats the shit out of the villain.  Along the way, there are plenty of gun battles and explosions and minor characters die by the dozens.

I think the Teabaggers have seen too many of these films and they’ve got them confused with real life.  The more people who die, the better, because that brings us closer to a happy ending.

Why do I think Teabaggers get confused between movies and real life?  Because they are stupid.  That’s why.

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September 7, 2011 · 7:50 pm

Texas Toast

Well, the great Republican debate is tonight, the one that John Boehner threw a tantrum about and made Obama change the date of his speech, which had liberals screaming “OMGWTF, dude, do you have to surrender on absolutely everything!” and Obama saying “Chill, everybody, it’s no

If ah see a fahr, ah'll jest shoot it daid!

big deal, I’ll go with Thursday” like the gentleman he is.

The debate that’s so critically important because it’s the 1st one involving Rick “Governor Goodhair” Perry, a vocal lover of Jesus and connoisseur of high-powered automatic weaponry.  However, now there’s a chance that Slick Rick won’t even show.  See, his state is on fire.  That is really not much of an exaggeration.  Throughout this summer, wildfires have destroyed an area of Texas the size of Connecticut and, despite the governor’s highly publicized mass public prayer for rain, the state is still drier than a pothead’s mouth and the fires are raging out of control.

So, Rick may decide that the smart political decision is to remain in Texas and on the job, even though that is entirely cosmetic because it’s not like he’s going to piss on the fire and put it out.  If he were capable of doing that he would not only win the presidency, he would deserve it.

But, Rick Perry has a habit of ducking out on debates, which may be an indicator that he’s not very good at them, in which case his campaign is in serious trouble because this is not the last debate or even close to it.

If he does choose to debate, a lot of people will see him up there on the stage and be reminded that his state is currently a blazing inferno, that he has cut the state’s firefighting budget and intends to cut it more, that he has refused federal funds which might have alleviated the problem and is now begging for federal help.  Of course, they might be reminded of that if they don’t see him up there on stage, too.

So, tonight’s debate is a lose/lose for Perry, which is just the way I like it.  It’s also a lose/lose for the whole Republican party, because they will undoubtedly spend the whole time arguing about who loves Jesus and hates Obama the most.  Tomorrow,   Obama will deliver an intelligent, reasonable speech about jobs, which is pretty much the only thing Americans are concerned about right now.

The thing that I don’t understand is it’s only a few hours away from debate time and the news is still “well, maybe he’ll show and maybe he won’t.”  Come on, reporters, is he in Texas or not?  Surely, you’ve been tracking the guys movements.  It seems to me, at this point, that we’ve got a better idea of the whereabouts of Moammar Gadhaffi than Rick Perry, and that’s absurd.

I don’t believe that they don’t know.  I just believe that they’re not telling us.  Why, I’m not entirely sure.

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August 28, 2011 · 2:31 pm

The Thin Line Between Religious and Retarded

My facebook friend Dan Albergotti put up a post saying that 38% of Americans, the percent who believe that earthquakes, hurricanes and suchlike events are Gods vengeance on humans for being filthy, immoral, parasites, are idiots.

God is Always Smiting Somebody

Of course, predictably, some one wrote in and said you shouldn’t say they are idiots, that’s no way to bring them over to our side and it’s not respectful of their religious beliefs.

I’m siding with the guy who called them idiots.

Perhaps I’m a bit hypocritical in that I will say certain things on the internet which I would not say in real life.

When Christian fundamentalists come knocking on my door or try to hand me a pamphlet on a street corner, I do not say “Your ideas are idiotic. You are an idiot.” I politely wave them off and say, I don’t have any time, or just “I’m not interested.” Nonetheless, I am thinking “Your ideas are idiotic. You are, therefore, an idiot.”

However, we are here, on the internet, a semi-anonymous (i don’t know most of you in real life) place where we can exchange ideas. Here we can say what we think. I believe it’s important that we do because the idiots, those who believe that a man named Noah literally built an ark, those who believe that an imaginary creature called God created the world in 6 days, are organized. They have political candidates like Michele Bachmann and Rick Perry who may well be elected to the most powerful office in the world. It is critically important for the survival and well being of the human race that we point out that they are idiots. Again and again and again.

It is not to win that 38% over to our side.  They have proven that that is impossible.

It is important that the people in the middle, the 38-60% who are not necessarily end-time-crazy-for-Jesus religious but still look at Rick Perry and say ‘He seems like a decent, church going guy,’ are made aware that among intelligent people these folks are considered stupid.  Their ideas should not, for one second, be taken seriously.

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August 25, 2011 · 10:13 pm

Dr. Seuss Good/Rick Perry Bad

There are two stories in the news today that I’d like to comment on.  First, Rick Perry, Governor of Texas and current frontrunner for the Republican presidential nomination.  The frontrunner.

Anyway, a while back, as it turns out, he was in the middle of a scheme with a lot of Wall St.

What? You Wanted a Picture of Rick Perry?

investors and an insurance company or two to buy life insurance on retired Texas teachers, so that the state could make a whole bunch of money when the old geezers kick the bucket.  As his supporters on the comment boards have been busy pointing out today, he didn’t actually do anything wrong, he didn’t actually sneak into old people’s ‘s and strangle them with piano wire while they were watching Leno or anything, and it didn’t get enacted anyway, so back off. Nonetheless, it’s a bit ghoulish.  And, considering the principals involved, there was undoubtedly some kind of corruption going on.  But will it end Rick Perry’s candidacy?  Probably not.

The other story was a nice story.  A whole bunch of paintings by Dr. Seuss were “discovered.”  That is, he’s been dead for 20 years and his wife decided, I guess, that it’s time.  Cool.  I love stuff like that.  A bit of the past resurfacing with new information.  And I love Dr. Seuss’s books.

The article was all about how this was his adult work, this was his secret side, here is where he let it all hang out.  But, while he was alive, he didn’t want to show them because it would conflict with the children’s book image, blah, blah, blah.  I can understand that, although there are plenty of writers who have crossed the children’s/adult divide:  Roald Dahl, Shel Silverstein, Ian Fleming.

Anyway, when I saw the slide show I was disappointed.  They were great, but they were basically just like the illustrations for the kid’s books.  It was interesting, I guess.  A look at his notes, some ideas that didn’t make it into his books.

Doesn’t matter, though.  He was a great children’s writer.  He doesn’t need to be Rembrandt.

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August 18, 2011 · 1:37 pm

Bachmann/Perry

Minnesota crazy lady Michelle Bachmann and Texas dumbfuck Rick Perry seem to be celebrating their newfound frontrunner status by trying to outdo each other in a “Listen to me!  I can say  something stupider than anybody!” competition.

and she uses his music as a campaign theme, so she should have known better

Bachmann, in a speech a couple days ago in South Carolina, gave a Happy Birthday shoutout to Elvis Presley, which should be a fairly non-controversial thing.  Except that his birthday is January 8th.  She gave the speech on the anniversary of his death.  This should still be a fairly non-controversial thing, like Mitt Romney a few days ago letting fly with a Freudian slip which made it sound like he thought he was in Iowa when he was in New Hampshire.  Easy mistake.

But added to her shot heard round the world gaffe when she implied that the American Revolution began in New Hampshire and her John Wayne v. John Wayne Gacy goof  when she was announcing her candidacy in Waterloo, Iowa, the town she grew up in, it indicates a larger problem.  She doesn’t have any fact checkers reading her speeches.

Maybe she just does all of her speaking off the cuff, which would actually be pretty impressive and a point in her favor – if she got things right.

Then we come to well known secessionist Rick “Guns ‘n Jesus” Perry, implying we should get a rope and hang Ben Bernanke and then saying we should use predator drones to curb illegal immigration.  This is a different category of stupid.  He doesn’t go into detail about how predator

drones could be applied to that particular problem.  It might actually make some sense in a Rand Paulian underground fence sort of way.  Perry is just throwing the words out there because predator drones have been in the news lately and they sound cool and tough and macho.

Although both of them support policies which would be extremely destructive to the United States of America and, by extension, the rest of the world, I’ve got to give Perry the nod as this week’s biggest dumbass.

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