Chupacabra Shot, Killed

The goat sucker, phantom of the night, stealer of chickens and serial harrasser of livestock, a legend of the night, a campfire tale, Chupacabra. Sometimes called the Hispanic Bigfoot.

Descriptions varied, but once you stripped away the exaggerations, it seemed likely people were talking about a fox, or a wolf, maybe a bear.  Nobody had photos.  Nobody’d actually caught one.  Oh, sure, people caught foxes and such like all the time, but that’s not the same as a Chupacabra.

This is the thing.  If we ever actually find Bigfoot, he won’t be Bigfoot.  Part of Bigfoot’s identity is that he’s mythical.  If he’s ever discovered, then he will be A North American Arctic Gorilla or something like that, which doesn’t have near the romantic exoticness of

In Death, it is Just a Raccoon

Bigfoot about it.  If we ever get proof of the existence of ghosts, they will be labeled residual spirits, like something that could only be perceived in a certain wavelength and then only as a smudge, not looking like dead people, wearing clothes and talking and stuff.  Those who claim belief in God go to further and further lengths to say he/she/it is not like a literal buff old guy with a flowing gray beard, but rather a creative force behind all existence in the universe, which really means nothing at all.  If we ever get evidence of intelligent life on other planets, we will probably simultaneously discover that they are so far away and irrelevant to our lives that the chances of any of us ever meeting one would still about the same as winning the lottery while being struck by lightning on your birthday.

Well, anyway, somebody in Kentucky shot a Chupacabra the other day.  He thought he had.  Wildlife officials have said the animal was a raccoon which had lost its hair to disease.  Doesn’t really look very raccoon like to me, but the hairlessness, the fact that it’s dead and what the hell do i know about it anyway have all to be taken into account.

Which means the Chupacabra is still out there.