3 Weeks to Go!!

It’s the first of May, a day for workers, and socialists, and lovers, and people who like to romp through the meadow in spring.  This year, it is also the beginning of the last month before the end of the world.

Billboards like these dot America's roadways, from coast to coast

Yup, according to one kooky group of evangelists in (where else) the good Ol’ U.S.A., May 21st is the big day, the day of the rapture, the day that Jesus (who they are pretty sure is going to look exactly as they expect him to), is going to coast down from heaven on a beam of light, gather up the righteous and the holy and take them back with him to heaven, where they’ll all have a big barbecue together in heaven, drink PBR and shoot at tin cans.

Now, on first glance, this would seem to be a win-win situation.  They get to go to  redneck Heaven, and the rest of us get to have a rest from their harassment and seemingly bottomless stupidity.  Take them, Jesus!  Consider it a sort of a Mariel Boatlift from the rest of us down here on this atheistic, heathen planet.

But, there’s a catch.  If you’re still here on May 22nd, you’re fucked.  You’ve got about 5 more months of either complete debauchery or self-pitying remorse, and then it’s lights out.  End of the universe.

It sure would be a bummer if they were right.  I don’t expect to live forever, but I really don’t want to die this year.  I’m not going to lose any sleep over it, though.  I’m certain enough that these people are just plain crazy that I’m not even going to take minimal precautions.

Bring it on, Jesus!  Hit me with your best shot!