Texas Toast

Well, the great Republican debate is tonight, the one that John Boehner threw a tantrum about and made Obama change the date of his speech, which had liberals screaming “OMGWTF, dude, do you have to surrender on absolutely everything!” and Obama saying “Chill, everybody, it’s no

If ah see a fahr, ah'll jest shoot it daid!

big deal, I’ll go with Thursday” like the gentleman he is.

The debate that’s so critically important because it’s the 1st one involving Rick “Governor Goodhair” Perry, a vocal lover of Jesus and connoisseur of high-powered automatic weaponry.  However, now there’s a chance that Slick Rick won’t even show.  See, his state is on fire.  That is really not much of an exaggeration.  Throughout this summer, wildfires have destroyed an area of Texas the size of Connecticut and, despite the governor’s highly publicized mass public prayer for rain, the state is still drier than a pothead’s mouth and the fires are raging out of control.

So, Rick may decide that the smart political decision is to remain in Texas and on the job, even though that is entirely cosmetic because it’s not like he’s going to piss on the fire and put it out.  If he were capable of doing that he would not only win the presidency, he would deserve it.

But, Rick Perry has a habit of ducking out on debates, which may be an indicator that he’s not very good at them, in which case his campaign is in serious trouble because this is not the last debate or even close to it.

If he does choose to debate, a lot of people will see him up there on the stage and be reminded that his state is currently a blazing inferno, that he has cut the state’s firefighting budget and intends to cut it more, that he has refused federal funds which might have alleviated the problem and is now begging for federal help.  Of course, they might be reminded of that if they don’t see him up there on stage, too.

So, tonight’s debate is a lose/lose for Perry, which is just the way I like it.  It’s also a lose/lose for the whole Republican party, because they will undoubtedly spend the whole time arguing about who loves Jesus and hates Obama the most.  Tomorrow,   Obama will deliver an intelligent, reasonable speech about jobs, which is pretty much the only thing Americans are concerned about right now.

The thing that I don’t understand is it’s only a few hours away from debate time and the news is still “well, maybe he’ll show and maybe he won’t.”  Come on, reporters, is he in Texas or not?  Surely, you’ve been tracking the guys movements.  It seems to me, at this point, that we’ve got a better idea of the whereabouts of Moammar Gadhaffi than Rick Perry, and that’s absurd.

I don’t believe that they don’t know.  I just believe that they’re not telling us.  Why, I’m not entirely sure.