How Cain Will Win Republican Nomination

Well, first of all, I don’t blame Chris Christie.  It’s not his fault that he had to give another speech saying he’s not running for president.  He made it pretty clear in that speech at the Reagan Library last week, where he said (I am paraphrasing)”Nope, no way, forget about it, not even

Herman (I hate Muslims more than anybody) Cain

thinking about running.”  But the press spent the week writing stories about how Christie was certainly just kidding and undoubtedly about to get into the race, because it was much easier than headinginto downtown Manhattan with a camera and a notepad.  Or Boston.  Or San Francisco.  Or Asheville, North Carolina.  Never mind.  They are no  longer actually needed as a dispenser of news.

The Republicans who are still in the race are busy making fools out of themselves.  Michele Bachmann  was doing a radio call in show when somebody called in to say that Obama was the worst president ever, and he’d vote for Charles Manson before he’d ever vote for Obama.  He said he was pulling for Michele, and then she said “Aw, gee, thanks” without responding to the Charles Manson comment at all.   So, Charles Manson fans support Michele Bachmann.   Must be the eyes.

Then, it turns out Rick Perry’s family owns a hunting lodge down in Texas called “Niggerhead.”  Perry says they only lease the land, they don’t own it outright, and they painted over the sign with that name on it years ago, but the difference between owning and leasing isn’t really relevant, (it’s what they call it that counts) and plenty of locals say it wasn’t all that many years ago that they painted the sign over, like maybe 2 or 3.  Like maybe about the time the Good Lord Jesus told Governor Goodhair he should run for president.

Undoubtedly the most comical character in the Republican sandbox, however, is Herman Cain.  It’s not just that he’s a black man in the Republican party.  We’ve seen Michael Steele, and Alan Keyes, and Clarence Thomas, and Alan West, so that’s not really a new phenomenon.

No, Cain is funny in his own right.  He wrote a book outlining what he’d do differently as President.  He’d keep a copy of the constitution on his desk.  He’d replace the Inaugural Ball with a series of celebratory occasions, because I guess those cost less than a big, fancy ball.  And, he’d rewrite Hail to the Chief, because it needs more gospel.  That’s his platform.  And he’s doing great.  He could win this thing.

Here’s how it could happen:  Romney will continue to do great in the eyes of the main stream media, who apparently are just writing whatever stories they feel like writing, right up until the primaries begin.  Then he will fade, because as much as old school Republicans love him, that’s how much teabaggers hate him, and they will vote.

A lot of Republicans will vote for Cain, thinking that if they nominate a black man, he can beat Obama, because they actually are retarded enough to believe the nonsense they spew about how Obama only won because he is black.  Far fetched?  It’s how Sarah Palin wound up with the VP nomination last time around, isn’t it?