The Embarrassing Miscalculation of Darren Huff

Now, this here’s a story about a man named Darren Huff.  Pretty much the picture you have in your mind when you say “Georgia Teabagger.”  Bald, a tadbit on the heavier than average side, bearded, with a  snake tattoo on his arm.  There’s also a big, ugly snake and the “Don’t Tread on

Darren Huff, Tranny Hunter

Me” slogan on the side of his black pickup.

Darren Huff, and all of his friends, think Obama is a “Kenyan,” and therefore shouldn’t be president of the United States.  They even filed suit over it, up in Tennessee.  When the jury came back and said “Hey, guys, we may be a backwater in the South, but even we aren’t that stupid” one of Huff’s friends, Walter Fitzpatrick tried to place the jury foreman under arrest.  But Walter Fitzpatrick is not a police officer, and was being a loudmouthed dick, so he got arrested instead.

That’s when Darren Huff sprang into action.  He got his Colt .45, an AK-47, 300 rounds of ammo and 12 of his good buddies, loaded up the old truck and headed north to Tennessee.  Along the way, they told plenty of people what they were fixin’ to do (take over the courthouse, free Walter Fitzpatrick and demand that that Kenyan usurper leave the White House, more or less).  That’s why there were plenty of police on hand when they showed up.

So, they got arrested.  Huff probably won’t serve much time, since he had a legal permit for the guns and this is what they call free speech in the South, at least if you’re white.

Now comes the stupid part.  Huff must have known he was going to be arrested.  I mean, the South is the South, but standing in front of a courthouse and shoutin’ out “I’m a gonna kill somebody…We’re comin’ for ya, Walter!,” while waving a Russian made military assault rifle in the air is still liable to land you in the pokey for a couple of days, until things get sorted out.

And when you get arrested, the police take all your stuff and lock it away safe and then give it to back to you when you get out.  And they write it down.  Which brings us to this, which was obtained by Wonkette. Yeah, I know, Wonkette, but it’s sourced.  The document is for real.

The 4 condoms won’t hurt his reputation none, and the porn might not either, although “Tranny Hunter,” well, kind of a kinky title.  The KY Gel might cause some snickering, but it’s the pink dildo that they’ll keep talking about.

Then again, maybe that was the idea.  Darren Huff is now eligible to be a Republican congressman.