Romney Takes the High Ground

In what is perhaps the most stunning flip-flop of the campaign thus far, Mitt Romney (or, more correctly, one of Romney’s spokespeople) said that they are taking the high ground in this campaign.

Pure Class

Well, I guess it fits with Romney’s history.  Way back when Mitt was a teenager at Cranbrook Academy, itself a very bastion of high groundedness, and he and a group of friends held John Lauber down and cut off his hippie hair, it was Mitt with the high ground – and the scissors.  Lauber was the one lying on the floor, crying like a little baby.  When Mitt dressed up like a state trooper to harrass his friends on dates, he had the high ground.  You don’t get much more high ground than a police uniform, after all.  Later, in college, when all of the scruffy, pot smoking students were SITTING IN at the Dean’s office, Mitt took the high ground again, supporting his President and the war effort in Viet Nam.  Then he really went above and beyond the call of duty and went abroad as a missionary, to the dangerous and uncivilized land of France.  There, as a Mormon, he didn’t drink wine or smoke stinky Gaulois cigarettes or drink coffee like those unconverted French people.  How’s that for high ground, heh?  Dis donc.

Later, on a family trip to Canada, he proved so high minded that he generously ceded the high ground to Seamus, the family Irish Setter, who he allowed the privileged position on the top of the car.  At Bain Capital, it was high ground all the way, as he sold off companies and closed all those nasty, polluting factories.  Then, when he stepped in to rescue the Salt Lake City Olympics, he took almost none of that government bailout money for himself, awarding all of the most lucrative contracts to his friends, because that’s just the kind of stand-up guy Mitt Romney is.  Then, he helped the struggling economies of Switzerland and the Cayman Islands by investing a lot of his money there.  Most people think it’s a big deal if they donate 20 bucks to feed some starving kids in Africa, but Mitt Romney sent millions.  If that’s not high ground, I don’t know what is.

Now, with this whole issue of tax returns.  For the past 50 years, almost, other politicians have just been waving them around, making a big fuss, saying “Look at my tax returns, look at my tax returns!”  It took Mitt Romney to say “Enough!  You people have seen enough.”  That’s high ground.

In fact, Mitt Romney is an Aristocrat!


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