A group of New Hampshire Republicans has written to Fox News, protesting the network’s plan to limit the number of candidates in their upcoming candidate debates.
The network wants to limit the number of candidates to 10. I can understand. Once you get too large a number, it’s just like American Idol, but without the talent.
The group wrote “The field of Republican candidates is perhaps the deepest we’ve seen in histor. It should be embraced as a positive sign of civic engagement and political leadership for the nation.”
Or, contrariwise, it should be mocked as being not only one of the largest candidate fields in recent memory, but one of the most insane.
Let’s take a look:
Marco Rubio, aside from not being able to drink a glass of water, is probably one of the least comically insane, and therefore the scariest. Loves war.
Ted Cruz. Howling for war with Russia in Ukraine. Not a good idea. Also, didn’t actually condemn the idea of Texas seceding from the union. Doesn’t know enough not to laugh at a funeral.
Rand Paul. George Clooney in “Brother, Where Art Thou” was doing time for impersonating a dentist, which I thought was just a funny Coen brothers joke. Apparently not.
Ben Carson. Oh, I would love to see Ben Carson get the Republican nomination. The baggers would be faced with a Hobson’s Choice. Vote for a sane, responsible, not crazy Democrat, or vote for the black guy.
Carly Fiorina. Demon Sheep Lady!
Mike Huckabee. Son tortured a dog to death. Thinks jokes about watching girls in the shower are cutting edge and funny. Believes Earth only 6,000 years old. Really.
Lindsey, two for the price of one, Graham, the president and first lady both. I shouldn’t make fun of his totally closeted and we don’t actually have any evidence gayness, but he’s a conservative Republican and they’re not supposed to like those things. He likes war.
Rick Santorum, the one who is really, really obsessed with gay people’s sex lives and runs for president every damned time.
Jeb Bush. Thinks his brother did a wonderful job. Either he’s placing family loyalty above political ambitions, which would be somewhat noble, but stupid, or he actually believes it, which would just be stupid. Like the rest of this stupid field, he is a climate change denier.
Scott Walker. Hates teachers. Hates policemen and firemen. Hates nurses. Loves billionaires.
Chris Christie. Crooked as the day is long and meaner than an abused pit bull. Deliberately blocked traffic across the George Washington bridge during rush hour. Should be thrown from same bridge.
Rick ‘Rootin’ Tootin’ Perry. You remember. The fondling the maple syrup guy. The ‘let’s all pray for rain’ guy. Him.
And let’s not forget Bobby ‘color me white’ Jindal.
I join with the Republicans of New Hampshire when I say ‘Put them all on stage. Let’s hear what they’ve got to say.’ This could be fun.
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