To offer your seat or not to offer your seat? Now, that there is a question. Not “To be or not to be.” That’s just stupid. The answer is “To be,” of course. Hamlet was a whiny loser and a schmuck.
But whether or not you stand, losing your own position of comfort, and offer it to somebody who might not appreciate the gesture at all, or sit, like an anti-social space-taking lump of inert organic matter (definitely the worst kind of organic matter), is a question those of us who use public transport face every single day, several times a day.
Generally, I am not too bad about it. If someone is visibly handicapped, I will offer them my seat right away, although on my less socially conscious days I may spend a few extra seconds looking around and hoping somebody else does it first. If a pregnant woman needs a seat, there is sometimes a bit of doubt: is she pregnant, or just fat? A mistake could be really embarrassing, so unless it is 100% obvious, I keep my seat and avoid eye contact. If an elderly gentleman gets on, he’s got to be really elderly, because otherwise, they not only politely decline the offer, they can get stroppy about it.
I kind of know how they feel. I am pushing 60 and, although I like to think I look much younger, there are many young children (I teach, so I am familiar with this phenomenon) who can’t differentiate between 35 and 75. So, once or twice, young kids have offered me a seat. I decline and hope my resentment doesn’t show. After all, they are trying to be nice and can’t be blamed for the natural ignorance that comes with youth.
With elderly women, I’m a bit more generous.
Anyway, this morning I was faced with the dilemma. She was old enough, her face was wrinkled like a walnut. But she seemed just as steady on her feet as a younger person and her hair was dyed bright red. I chose the middle path. I stood up as if to get off the train (which I was doing at the next stop, it wasn’t a lie), leaving the seat vacant if she wanted it.
We did make eye contact though (Which is actually harder not to do than to do. To not make eye contact in a crowded space, one party or the other has to be actively avoiding it. Guys, make note of that. Next time you are trying to make eye contact with the woman of your dreams in a crowded pub – if it doesn’t happen in two or three minutes, it’s not going to happen. She’s ignoring you deliberately. The longer you stare, the creepier you look), and she thanked me very graciously for the seat.
A few seconds later, I felt a tap on my elbow. I looked down and she gave me a piece of candy. Made my day.
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