Climate Change by Any Other Name Would be as Catastrophic

Florida Governor Rick Scott, winner of 2014’s ‘Governor Who Looks Most Like Voldemort’ award, apparently doesn’t like phrases like ‘global warming’ or ‘climate change’ and has ‘discouraged’ state officials from using them in official correspondence, which could make things difficult when discussing issues like global warming and climate change.

Evil Twins

Evil Twins


No matter. Languages adapt, and ways are always found to express the unexpressable. Even Voldemort himself (who bears a strong resemblance to Florida Governor Rick Scott, as I may have mentioned) was generally referred to as ‘he who must not be named’ and everybody knew right away who everybody was talking about.
So, here are a few suggestions for Florida officials who need to discuss these issues, without offending their boss.
1. Oceanic embiggenment. It has a pythonesque sort of ring to it.
2. The New Atlantis Project. That’s not saying Florida is like Atlantis. Maybe so, maybe no, since we know so little about that lost civilization. But Florida will be, if oceanic embiggenment continues unchecked, very like Atlantis in the sense that both will be lost under the waves.
3. Hurricane enhancement program. Florida has as many hurricanes as anyplace else in the United States, perhaps the whole world. They should be proud.
4. The current climatological unpleasantness.
5. Liberal weather. There is nothing you can’t blame on the liberals, after all.
6. Obama Air. See above. Also, rhymes with Obamacare.
7. All that science mumbo-jumbo. This has the advantage of being what they already say anyway.

That’s about it for now. Feel free to leave more suggestions in the comments.

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