They have been out of the spotlight for awhile, overshadowed by others, but the Palins are trying hard to hold onto their title as America’s #1 dysfunctional family. This happened a couple of days ago, but we don’t seem to be getting any new information, so I’m writing about it now.
Track Palin, the oldest son, allegedly (I love that word, allegedly. It means innocent until proven guilty even though that’s the thing he was reported doing, by his parents, that’s the thing he was arrested for, while he was in the act of doing it,and it’s so completely in character that nobody even doubts it for a second) broke into his parents home and beat up his dad.
Here’s the story, as I understand it: Track, who was probably doomed to a life of hillbilly antics the second his parents gave him that stupid name, called up his folks, Todd and former Alaska Governor and vice presidential candidate Sarah, and said “I’m coming over to get my truck,” and his Dad said “The hell you are, you’re on drugs,” which, allegedly, was true, and he said “Yes, I am, and I’m going to kick your ass.” Well, he (allegedly) followed through on his threat. A window was broken, some furniture overturned, and then young Track was arrested. Again.
Now, it may seem like small potatoes next to the Trump kids, who get their jollies by exploiting Chinese garment workers and shooting animals which are on the endangered list, but it’s a kind of down home dysfunctional that more Americans can relate to. I mean, even if it were completely legal and socially acceptable, most Americans just don’t have enough money to jet off to Africa for a dead elephant selfie, or to own their own fashion line. But the Palins…hell yes, I’ve known families like that.