RIP, Jane Russell

I was quite surprised to hear of Jane Russell’s passing today.  Mostly that’s because I thought she’d been dead for a long time.  She was a contemporary of Marilyn Monroe, in fact co-starred with Marilyn in “Gentlemen Prefer Blondes” (and later starred in the sequel “Gentlemen Marry Brunettes”), and Marilyn’s been dead for almost 50 years.

Eternal Beauty

Jane Russell lived a good, long life and died at the age of 89.

Like Marilyn, she was a sex symbol, particularly famous for her large breasts.  Bob Hope once introduced her as “The two and only Jane Russell.”  She was the Snooki of her era.  A bit classier, perhaps.  It was a classier era.

She was a popular pin-up girl during World War II, meaning lots of lonely GIs fantasized over her picture.  If, as the Catholics believe, every sperm is sacred because it is a potential human being, then there was a veritable river of wasted sperm cells, a whole new branch of the human race that never came to be, dedicated to Jane Russell.

There was no shortage of sex symbols in that era.  Russell, Monroe, Rita Hayworth, Betty Grable, Anne Sheridan, Lauren Bacall, Ingrid Bergman.  Hollywood was filled with them.  Today, we remember Marilyn Monroe and Elizabeth Taylor (who is almost as old as Jane Russell and probably going to croak any day now).  There’s a reason for that.

The human brain only has a certain capacity.  We can remember 20 or 30 of the hottest actresses around now, and argue ad infinitum as to whether Cameron Diaz is hotter than Scarlett Johannsen or Britney Spears or Drew Barrymore or Reese Witherspoon or Halle Berry or Lindsey Lohan or….the list goes on and on.  30 years from now it’s going to have to narrow down to 2 or 3.  Really, that’s all we have storage space for.

Feminine beauty is an amazing and miraculous thing but, like the flowers in the spring or the stars in the sky, it is not that rare.  So, RIP, Jane Russell.  You will be with us forever, and you will always be young and beautiful.