Crime Addiction

I have often written of my hatred for cop shows; how they all follow the same formula, and have the  same characters, either the wacky computer person or the wacky forensics person, and at least one  ‘tough’ cop who just hates crime so much he has  no qualms at all about beating the shit out of a suspect, totally lying to them or coercing confessions, and a couple of hot lady cops.
Every now and again, though, I’ll start watching one, if I’ve never seen it before, and follow it for a few weeks telling myself ‘this one is a bit  different’ but they always  disappoint me.
The one I’m following now has gone from “Oh, this doesn’t look so bad” to “OMG, this is the biggest piece of shit on television, I’m embarrassed to be watching this” in about  two weeks.

Body of Proof takes place in the Medical Examiner’s office, so damned near everybody’s a wacky  forensics expert, except for  the detectives, who have no particular objection to beating the shit out of a suspect and lying to them about their rights because they just hate crime soooo much.

The boss of the office is  Jeri Ryan, (You know, Seven of Nine,  who is still looking good even though she hasn’t been  seen in much since….well, since she was Seven of Nine.) and the main character is pretty  hot, too, and they’ve got a hate on because one of them is sleeping with the other’s ex.  Anyway, they’ve got the hot lady cop  angle  covered.

seven-of-nine

Great moments in television

But it’s been getting ridiculously sensational lately, what  with  a bio-terrorist spreading  terror city-wide and  a serial killer who takes his  victims brains out with  a hook,through the  nose, after they are dead, and the killing off of a couple main  characters (I liked one, didn’t care  much for the other), so I’m tempted to give it up.

I was watching  today, though, and I realized something.  Almost none of the people on the show can act worth a damn.  Jeri Ryan is the best of them, and that just means she can read her lines without  actually putting the inflection on the wrong word  in the sentence, you know, the way you would in rehearsal when you’re reading the lines and don’t really know the story  yet.
The two lab guys are not bad, my guess is they were doing stand-up somewhere when they were picked  for the  cast, to play ‘comically fat black guy with attitude’ and ‘nerdy and trying too hard guy,’ which they do adequately, I suppose.
The tough detective tag team, though, are about as intimidating as a bag of marshmallows, and the main character is even  worse.  They keep trying to characterize her as this hard as nails, impossible to deal with woman, who makes new hires cry with her demands for perfection, but she doesn’t play the part.  Like, not at all.
She sashays around the set acting like a normal person in  a normal office setting and you don’t feel anything  driven  or angsty or obsessive at all.  In fact, she seems to get along well with her co-workers.
It’s as if the show’s writers said “Don’t worry about the acting.  We’ll write the  dialog and the viewers will know what they’re supposed to think.”
I may give it a few more episodes because, you know, Jeri Ryan, but it is a seriously godawful piece of crap.

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