Redneck Explorers

Normally, I do not watch TV shows like this, but MARS ended two hours ago,there is seriously nothing more entertaining on, so I am watching some documentary, reality TV thing about a bunch of rednecks (I hate to stereotype,but this is the most deliberately self stereotyped show since Hee Haw!) chasing something they call a “Fire Dragon” in Appalachia. Almost all of the guys have beards, one is seriously obese, one is hamming it up for the camera and actually used the word “Wharmp” to indicate a trap closing. “And then, wharmp, we got ‘im.” There’s even one named Huckleberry.
I’ve seen these things advertised, or inadvertently watched for a few minutes while skipping through the channels, but damn, they’re ridiculous. Flashlights on their own faces and hysterical over-reaction to so many imaginarythings,it’s like the Blair Witch Project. They chase after Bigfoot a lot, in his various incarnations.
Now they are shooting at some poor animal. The thing is, it’s never Bigfoot, and it’s never actually a Swamp Dragon after it’s caught or killed, it’s just some big lizard.
Because there are no dragons, by definition. Dragons are magical creatures who can breathe fire, and fly, generally with a small boy on their neck.
There is no Bigfoot. There might be undiscovered, and reclusive, gorillas of some kind. We don’t know. But, if they find one, they’ll know more about it and it won’t be Bigfoot any more.
Oop. I guess that’s it. After destroying their clever trap and outrunning their bullets, which are zinging in every direction, the Fire Dragon disappearedinto the swamp and the program ended.
MARS was pretty good, though. Looks like we may have a bit of a power struggle developing.


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