The guesses as to who will be the Democratic nominee have begun, of course, pundits have no holidays, pundits have no soul or conception of human decency. American elections have become worse than Christmas, they have spread across the multi-year calendar like a pool of blood coming from the shower in the Bates’ Motel.
But the guesses are lame, more filling up space in obligatory columns than being serious guesses. No, Michelle Obama is not running. The problem is not just that they are lame, it is that they are deliberately lame. Two names that are regularly excluded from that list are Tulsi Gabbard and Bernie Sanders.
Now, I’m a Sanders die-hard and wouldn’t care if he was 96 in 2020, he’d have my support. But, I don’t feel conflicted, because Gabbard and Sanders are essentially on the same side and I don’t think both will run, because neither is seeking the position for egotistical terms. So, I think if Gabbard chooses not to run, it will be because Sanders is running. And vice versa.
Which brings us to Kamala Harris. She says she’s a liberal, but she’s friends with all those people who think ‘liberal’ means lady Democrat from California. In modern parlance, she’s more liberal than progressive. She’s the one cozying up to the big donors, the Hillary donors, and some journalists (and I use the term lightly, ever so lightly) are already talking about her as the Democratic frontrunner. But why?
Her time in the Senate is short, like barely begun, and before that she was California Attorney General. Sure, that was Bill Clinton’s old job, but he had some experience as Governor, as well.
But that’s not why I’m against her. I suspect that she is an appointed candidate, the one they want to unify the Hillary wing, the one who will approve their pipelines and trade deals, the one who will not spend too much time worrying about health care, and maybe they seriously think they can get her elected. But, I suspect the conversation went something like this:
DNC guy A: They want Tulsi Gabbard. We can’t let that happen.
DNC guy B: How about if we trick ’em?
DNC guy A: What do you mean?
DNC guy B: Find somebody who’s like Gabbard, enough that they get confused.
DNC guy A: But we don’t want somebody like Gabbard, we want somebody who will play ball
DNC guy B: Superficially alike. Say Kamala Harris, for instance. Kind of ethnic, not unattractive, youngish (compared to most of the dinosaurs out there), weird first name, normal last name.
DNC guy A: and she’ll play ball?
DNC guy B: Like a big leaguer, sir. Loves the Hamptons.
DNC guy A: O.K., let’s do it.
Anyway, that’s my theory.