I am often amazed at how literally fundamentalist Christians take the bible. Like the story of Noah and the Ark. It’s just so totally impossible on so many levels. The huge number of animals, the impossibility of building a wooden boat big enough, the implied proximity of predator and prey, the lack of kangaroo fossils anywhere in Asia, and that’s not to mention the smell of all that animal dung.
Then there’s the Holy Bang theory, you know, where Mary was a virgin and it was God who made her pregnant, which strikes me less as an explanation of her virginity and more a straight up question of paternity.
It seems some devout Christians in the state of Alabama may also be having second thoughts about that theory. In defense of rootin-tootin’ Roy Moore, the redneck judge who loves posing with pistols and is running for the Senate, and was recently accused of raping a 14 year old girl, his friend and Republican ally Jim Ziegler said “Take Joseph and Mary. Mary was a teenager and Joseph was an adult carpenter. They became parents of Jesus.”
So, what are you saying there, Jimbo? Was Mary not, in fact, a virgin? Or was God the father, which means it’s O.K. to boink 14 year old girls because God did it, and Joseph was just the poor shmoe who married her, a loser and probably a Democrat?
Well, if God did that then he wasn’t very nice, poor Mary was only 14 and probably traumatized as hell, turning up pregnant and all. Try getting your friends and family to believe you’re still a virgin after that.
And I’m sure God wouldn’t get away with that kind of thing if he were around today.